Wisely, the
YWCA always had a focus or theme for our
sexual violence group therapy sessions which I think lasted about 8 weeks. I remember one where we focused on listening
to our body. We explored painful or
uncomfortable sensations and learned these feelings were a manifestation of the
sexual assaults we suffered.
Mine was a
huge, black, jagged rock in my chest which felt like it was shredding my
heart. Yes, talking about it was
painful, but continuing to live with it was worse. That’s why I kept going to my group therapy
sessions and one-on-one therapy. Over
time, awareness about this sensation and consistent, one-on-one therapy helped
me eventually obliterate it.
During the “listening
to our body” group therapy sessions, I also remember another woman there who
said she was only experiencing numbness.
Slumping in her chair, she said she just couldn’t feel anything. One of the counselors said, “That’s
great! You’re awareness about the
numbness is huge!!! The woman’s face lit
up. She smiled the warmest smile I’d
ever seen on her, and she sat straight up.
At the time,
I didn’t understand the counselor was right.
I thought she was just trying to make her feel included since she was
praising everyone else for their insights.
Later, I realized that acknowledging her numbness was huge since
awareness is the first step to healing. Unfortunately, like most sexual violence survivors, we all suffered from Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) which mirrors the PTSD war veterans experience.
The National
Institutes of Mental Health (NIMH) categorizes numbness as an avoidance symptom
for obvious reasons. Other categories
include re-experiencing
and hyperarousal symptoms. Read more about PTSD symptoms on the NIMH’s website.
