Your Redemptive Suffering

As a Catholic, I’m reminded that Holy week is supposed to be a time of contemplation on the suffering, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ that all Christians commemorate.  Whenever I reflect on the crucifixion, I can’t help but think about rape survivors and their suffering.  The cruelty, evil, and humiliation that innocent, men, women, and children suffer from being raped or sexually assaulted.

A poem in my book, A Rape Survivor’s Reflections: My Poems and Practical Exercises, seems appropriate along with some positive words of reflection that follow.  Please note the words in italics are God’s, not mine.

Redemptive Suffering

Are you kidding me?

Who am I?  The virgin Mary?

Well, my name’s Mary, and I’m no virgin,

but then you already knew that.

Tell me why.  Why is there suffering at all?

I know we’re all suffering unless we’re physically dead,

so why not kill us all and let the world end.

I’ll give you your answer,

but first answer ME.

Why do people, hate, kill and maim?

Why do they torture, prolonging the pain?

Why do they cheat, steal and lie?

Why do they want a bigger piece of the pie?

Why can’t they be happy with all they’ve got?

Why can’t those that have, help all the “have-nots?”

Don’t get me wrong.  It’s okay to want more,

but it’s certainly not right just to hoard.

Then there are talents.

I gave everyone some.

To some I gave more.  Others only have one.

How many people do you know, tell me now,

that have found and really use the talents they have?

How many have done so and are eternally glad

to go to work every day and get paid

for what they feel is essentially play?

You know the answer, and, of course, I do, too,

because so many come to me unhappy like you.

So, tell me why.  Why is there suffering at all?

You know you’re all suffering unless we’re physically dead,

so why aren’t you doing something about it before the world ends?

Inspired by Fr. William J. O’Malley, S.J.’s book,

Redemptive Suffering: Understanding Suffering, Living with It,

and Growing Through It

(New York: The Crossroad Publishing Company, 1997.  Print).

Who Inspires You?

and

What Can You Learn from Them?

Like any good father or mother, our divine creator shares our unjust suffering and keeps reaching out to pull us out of the darkness, knowing that our triumphs over evil will inspire others, so our victories become lights in the darkness transforming the world.

Write about who inspires you and what you can learn from them.


Download my book for FREE in the Apple Store, Barnes & Noble, or on our ePub distributor’s website at Smashwords.com.  Purchase my paperback and Kindle eBook at Amazon.com,  Unfortunately, Amazon.com would not allow us to sell Mary’s eBook for FREE.  However, I do have the mobi file which I can send you for free.  Just email me at mary@apprenticebutterflies.com.

As a survivor of childhood sexual violence, my faith in God saved my life.  By the grace of God, I held onto my faith when I began having suicidal thoughts.  Today, I am a happy and peaceful person no longer suffering from Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  Thanks be to God!

During one of the darkest times of my life after the abuse, I was living at the YMCA in the Gold Coast in a room the size of a large, walk-in closet and working as a security guard in a River North condo building.  That’s when I was blessed with the remarkable experience and privilege of writing a book I never wanted to write, A Rape Survivor’s Spiritual Journey: My Poems and Practical Exercises.  Visit my website, listen to a clip of my website theme song, and download a FREE PDF of my book. 

Below is one of the poems in my book.  Please note the poems with italics are God's words, not mine.  I hope it consoles you.  

Return to Live!

You hate me.

That’s okay,

but I still love you just the same.

I know that you’re not you, AND you’re in agony and pain.

I see you suffer and hear you cry.

I wish you’d turn to me,

and see me cry beside you

and hear my gentle plea.

Come back.  Come back.  Come back to me!

Let me hold you in my arms.

I loved you into life.  Please let me love you one more time.

I’m here and love you SO much it makes me cry to see

you struggle all alone and no longer call on me.

Hate me.  Yell and swear at me if that’s exactly how you feel.

Just keep talking.  Don’t shut me out.  I’m not going anywhere.

Go ahead.  Do it.  Right now.  I’m always listening, you know.

Remember, you can hate me, but away I’ll never go.

Return to me.  Return to live

the life I meant for you,

and through your suffering and pain

you will find your life renewed.

Inspired by Ezekiel 18:32.

Listening for Love

Yesterday morning, watching the rising sun at 6:20 am made me feel loved by God.  Smiling, I wondered why.  Then, I imagined the curved rings of sunshine were His outstretched arms reaching out to give me a tight hug, the kind that says more than words ever could and makes you catch your breath.

It’s funny how when I make more time for God, I hear him better, clearer.  UGH!?!?  Why do I need to re-learn this every day?  I think because it’s harder to be living in the world but not being of the world.  We’re infinite spirits wrapped up with mortal bodies at our spiritual core.  We keep forgetting that the essence of our true selves is our spirit and the spiritual world is reality because the material world is illusive and distracting.

The more I trust God, the more I love God.  It’s a love relationship that can’t go wrong unless you screw it up, and even when you do, you know it’s going to be okay.  What I’m suggesting is that you focus on listening for the love.  Like any love relationship, it takes work and time, but you will not be disappointed.

How do you focus on listening?

·       Try spending time writing in a journal (maybe write letters to God in it and the answers you get from Him)

·       Praying which can either be just talking to God like you do anyone else, reciting a structured prayer, or however you prefer communicating with Him.

·       Meditating on a prayer, poem, or artwork that reminds you of God’s love; or

·       Just be present and listen for God like I was doing yesterday morning looking out  my kitchen window before breakfast. 

Say and do whatever feels right for you.  Remember, the more time you spend communicating in a relationship, the more you get know someone.  The more you get to know God, the more you will love Him, and the more you will see and hear the love.