There’s Always Hope

As long as you’re alive, there’s always hope. 

As long as you accept God’s love, there’s always hope.

As long as you believe God loves you, there’s always hope.

If you can imagine what you’re hoping for, there’s always hope.

Wherever you are reading this, there’s always hope.

Unconditional Love

God’s unconditional love, priceless faith, and infinite graces saved my life years ago and as recent as a few weeks ago.  Suffering from the worst depression I ever experienced, I struggled to keep my mind occupied, so I wouldn’t disappear into the darkness.  God shattered and disintegrated the bleak abyss that had been crushing my mind, senses, and spirit.

Before my major breakthrough that followed, mentioned in an earlier post (God’s Love is Always There for You), I listened to positive, upbeat songs to keep my spirit alive.  My favorite song being Katy Perry’s Unconditionally.  I believe she was inspired by God to write the lyrics because every single word is so full of pure love.  When you listen to the YouTube video below, you can feel the passion, compassion, and love.  I hope it brightens your day and lifts your spirits.  Most of all, I hope it reminds you of how much God truly loves you.

Empower Your Spirit in the God Zone

When athletes perform exceptionally, they talk about being in a zone which I call the “God zone.”  According to a February 19, 2010 article by the American Psychological Association, Dr. Shane Murphy says, “What’s fascinating is that we find that athletes often don’t need to be perfect to succeed.  Being in the “zone” isn’t about perfection as much as it is about staying in the moment, not worrying about failure, and not worrying about what the result might be.  I find every athlete to be unique in their approach to that “zone,” but they use some combination of psychological skills such as visualization, goal-setting, concentration, relaxation or mindfulness, psyching up, positive self-talk and developing a consistent routine in order to get there. Once they’re ready, they focus and let it happen. Their bodies are prepared to succeed – usually it’s the mind that can get in the way – if you let it.”

You’ve probably been in the situation when you were with someone preoccupied with the past or the future.  If you’re trying to love and support them, but they’re not spiritually with you in the present moment, there’s no way they can begin to accept your love and support.  The same holds true of our relationship with God.

I recommend you pray the words below, and I encourage you to add your own petition for a positive change in your life while you focus on being in the present moment with God.

The spirit of God lives and breathes inside me.

I breathe with the spirit.

I am one with the spirit.

I AM God’s spirit.

At all times and in all places, the spirit of God lives and breathes inside me.

I breathe with the spirit.

I am one with the spirit.

I AM God’s spirit.

The spirit of God empowers me with the strength to

[insert your greatest challenge here].

I breathe with the spirit.

I am one with the spirit.

I AM God’s spirit.

I also suggest you try making it a habit.  During a hectic day, I make it a point to pray these lines wherever I am, even in the bathroom after washing my hands which helps me calm down if I’m stressed and focus on the present moment.

God’s Love is Always There for You

More than 10 years ago, when the darkness had control over me, I remember seeing a bumper sticker that said, “The Meaning of Life is to Live It.”  At the time, I was going to the YWCA for sexual violence counseling, and I remember how it made me feel hopeful.  I thought about that recently when I saw an ad in the subway that read “I got my life back.”

Recently, I went through a difficult, dark period.  I thought I forgave my father, but I really didn’t:  not wholeheartedly.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m definitely no saint.  I only did it, or thought I did, because I thought it would help me heal faster.  Overcome with the darkness again, this time, it was worse.  I was in survival mode like I imagine soldiers at war must be.  I felt like I had to keep myself busy, so it wouldn’t devour me.

Thanks to a new friend who’s also a survivor, he reminded me of the power of God’s love while carefully guiding and counseling me about forgiving my father.  However, I had to finish the process on my own in private between God and me.  The excruciating pain left my heart feeling like you do after exercising when you haven’t done so in a long time.  Sore and weak, my heart felt like it had been beaten up, and I guess it had been for all these years.

Thank you, God, for not giving up on me!  Thank you for putting people and signs (some literally and some figuratively) in my life to help me remember that you are always there for me.  You are truly awesome!

Beginning My Healing Journey Felt Like Climbing Mount Everest

Beginning my healing journey felt monumental like climbing Mount Everest.  At the same time, I knew I just had to start, so I filled my life with as many uplifting resources as possible.  I wrote positive affirmations and read books like The Power of Positive Thinking, I prayed constantly, and put myself in God's hands.  I was no angel.  I got mad at God, yelled, and swore, too, but I always kept talking with Him.  I think this poem gives you a good overview of my experience.

Climbing Mount Everest

I love mountain tops.

You turn around, and

wherever you look, you see infinity.

Instinctively, you close your eyes,

and slowly take in a deep, satisfying breath

as if you’re about to kiss someone for the first time.

You can feel and smell God in the air,

and see Him in every cliff, plant, and animal.

I never remembered how I got there.

I just remember how exhausted I always felt.

Barely standing up on my own,

it seemed to take forever before I realized

we really made it to the top.

The trails were hard enough.

I can’t imagine climbing the side of a mountain,

let alone the tallest mountain top in the world.

That’s what I used to think about being raped.

I couldn’t begin to imagine how to start healing.

How could I think about forgiving my father?

Then, I’d learn hating him was torturing me.

Killing the goodness in my already tormented soul.

So, I forgave him for my sake, not his.

Before I lost my mind and soul, I let the hate go.

Then, there were the flashbacks.

Horrific moments that took me back in time.

His panting face.  His hand pulling down the shades.

Or his hands violating my tiny body.

All happening quicker than the blink of an eye.

They’d come at work.  At school.  At home.  Everywhere.

Worst of all.  It felt like I was being raped all over again.

Each flashback was another violation.  Another hideous act.

Another ledge to climb over,

on my already monumental journey.

Group therapy saved me.

Talking myself through the flashbacks worked.

Years would pass, and I thought I was okay, but I was wrong.

Suddenly, one day, I sat paralyzed.

I felt like my heart had turned into coal.

A crusty, black blob with sharp, pointy edges,

slowly tearing me apart from the inside out.

I felt helpless.  I couldn’t handle my grown-up world.

I thought I was going crazy

because just ordering lunch overwhelmed me.

Somehow, that dark, hideous blob turned me into that terrified,

eight-year-old, long-haired, pigtailed girl again.

For years, I denied needing therapy and help.

Then, I struggled, playing tug-o-war with myself

and going nowhere.

Finally, I realized it was time to grow up.

Time to listen to what my little girl had to say.

Time to hear her side of the story, and let her have her way.

Time to be there for her the way no one was ever there for her.

To rescue her one last time

from the evil that destroyed her innocence.

From the darkness that almost stole her soul.

Time to carry her up to the mountain top,

so she could finally be free.